“When you start to develop your powers of empathy and imagination, the whole world opens up to you." - Susan Sarandon
Watching her act in movies as a child, there was always something in her that I did admire. The last movie being "Shall we dance?" where she goes on to say...
She had a non-marriage relationship with Tim Robbins for 23 years, but they separated last year.
The term "marriage" has become a topic that calls for great thought and reasoning. To many of the neo-humans, marriage is more like a contract burden, whereas to some others "marriage" is just a Ctrl+C-Ctrl+V tradition that is to be followed. So why marry?
I think the custom called "marriage" evolved into becoming a social instrument, an instrument that traffic-controls the human sexual energy. So now that brings us to the all important topic of Sex, and sex education. Lots of research to be done in that area for me, talk about that later, coming back to "marriage".
I remember an interview of Justin Timberlake, he was asked about what he thought about marriage and he replied something like this, "Oh, marriage, it is scary, I can't think of anyone tied to just one partner all their life, that's so silly, why should anyone do this to themselves?"
Maybe Justin was telling his heart out or maybe just as a joke. Which little child likes to be brought up by many fathers and mothers?
So then the next idea for them is, to eliminate the idea of having children. Then with time, the age population pyramid loses it equilibrium, more older people than the young. Example: Japan - see below.
Who will take care of them when old? So then the next idea is, to remain young or remain attractive forever in order to have people to take care of you, so retain the money attraction factor, so retain as much money in one's own name...then for that, the next idea is to get greedy at all costs, Rich dad or Poor dad, manufacture useless products, pollute the earth, sell women in porn, demoralize other countries, play around wuth trade policies, all to get the money...then next what happens? Our man, Osama Bin Laden is credited for killing the innocents of the World Trade Centre, more war, humanity degrades, our earth suffers, we all suffer. I know the line of logic is very thin, but it's pure, and it makes sense to me.
I think the idea of "marriage" in its true intention is one of the greatest of human customs, the society needs the instrument called "marriage", we do not live in a world full of Saints. There are all kinds of people, some get attached to a desire and some don't,, at present all are in different levels of spiritual development. The important thing is that our children should have parents to take care of them, to give them the best of care, the best of heaven on earth.
A woman is just a soul in a female body and a man is just a soul in a male body, that's it. Would it not be nice if they just cared for each other. This is good for the earth as a whole.
But today, the idea or the very definition of marriage has become distorted, it has become a legal contract. And for other many it's become a burden game of domination of both the genders. Then in other cases, marriage seems to be a cage to sexual expression. Every movie you see, you see the actor changing his woman or her man, or probably dancing with many skin clad women, then how is it that, just one woman for life is going to help it? Why this man when she could have got that man?
I remember seeing that last James Bond movie Quantum of Solace, Bond is trying to find the villain who killed his girl friend of the previous movie Casino Royale, and in the process of avenging his girl's death, he sleeps with other women en route to success. In fact there is a scene in the movie, where he just walks with his new girl after all the thrill fights, he is all perfect in suit and shoes walking on the hot desert sand, whereas his girl friend along side looked like she was bare foot, but the background music of the movie takes you to think of Bond as the man to be for, audience cheering. And now are we asking Bond to get married?
So coming back to marriage...
I observe that any given Marriage consists of three elements:
1. Like marriage element: Occurs when two like each other for some material attributes in each other. E.g. A man marrying a woman for dowry (but please do note, in actuality, it's a FARCE the man marries the dowry and not the woman). Or a woman marrying a man for his good looks (but again do note, in actuality, this marriage is a "FARCE", she is marrying the good looks and not the man).
2. Contract marriage element: Occurs when two are made into a couple due to external or internal factors. E.g. A man marrying a particular woman because she is in accordance to his community prevalent senses/customs. OR even kidnapping a person using physical force or black mailing a person, to get married. (This way, in actuality, the marriage is a "FARCE", the couples are not getting married to each other, but rather they are being married to their inability to stand up for their freedom).
3. Spiritual marriage element: Occurs when the two love each other, the mutual love at the level of true love, a near example of this love being like that of the love between a mother and her child. The love propels them to be in touch with the reality, this is the only element that makes a marriage "TRUE", the man marries the woman as she is, in this state, it's highly likely that they will think in a practical sense, on how to achieve a valuable union and a healthy environment for their children to grow in, this foresight may even happen perhaps even before they get married.
The diagram below illustrates the possible constituting elements (L, C, S)
and some examples of their driving factors.
All divorces in the world can only happen to the marriages which have the first two elements (L+C) as prominent over the third element, the Spiritual element (S).
The Like marriage element holds a marriage bond strong only as long as the "mutual like of the material attribute" is above the required threshold level. The Contract marriage element holds a marriage strong as long as the "factor of forceful make" is above the required threshold level.
Whereas in Spiritual marriage element, we find no sense in saying that it might break up, since this element is constituted by driving factors that are very strong/true by definition, the nearest example to illustrate this point, being that a child is always a child to a mother, it's rare to hear that a mother had willingly dumped her child, generally speaking, it's auto-spiritual for a mother to have immense compassion for her child, a near manifestation of true love.
Now, if you look at any married couple, their relationship will have the attributes of all the above three types of marriage elements, L, C and S. The more that a couple can convert the (L + C) into S, the greater the success of value of the marriage. S is irreversible, once you know the truth to happiness, why should anyone go back to the lies. But please do note, that no marriage can be 100% in Spiritual element, the practical goal is that out of the three elements, S should be greater than (L+C), for a marriage to be threshold-level-TRUE.
To further elaborate on L and C, I wish to show the scope of these two types of marriages.
High level L types of marriage elements include
- Prostitution is a bought-marriage of the bodies.
- The college/school level youth having sex is also an example.
- Adultery too is a high L type marriage. Others include Casting couch, pre-marital sex... etc.
- You find something in common.
- You like something about the other one, physical looks, personality traits.
- Similar religionstyle, socialstyle etc.
- For financial security, marrying a rich man, or taking dowry from the girl's parents... etc.
- Kidnap: Getting consent forcefully. "Force" being the "factor of make".
- Rape: A forceful marriage of the bodies
- Drugging someone with intoxicants to lose the sense of discrimination(Vivekam).
- Brainwashing someone with long term mental tricks.
- Obsession to possess someone.... etc.
- Bonded marriage, using brainwash techniques of old distorted religion related traditions.
- Parents dealership in the marriage contract.
- Societal pressures to follow the prevalent codes of conduct....etc.
A quote for men for all time to come."By plucking her petals, you do not gather the beauty of the flower."
A quote for both the men and women for all time to come.
"Marriage is a flower,
not the plastic, not the mirage, but a real one,
it gives fruits, it supports life
nurture it, admire it, understand it and serve it."
- Agni Ruhen
There is a sad Keralite folk song that's sung at my family temple, it's a song written about my great great great grand father, the song narrates that he was a brave man, one of the most feared men of his place and time. He used to always carry a sword for protection, no one could dare touch him.
But the highered caste men quickly found him to be an enemy to their false self-acclaimed status, but still no one could dare over power him, he was a free spirit of strength. Gaining great respect from the local masses. And that's when a lady from a highered caste family fell in love with him, no one liked it, but she stood against everyone's wishes and got married to him. I don't know how it went, but I like to see it like this, that he went to her house, called out her name loud and when she came, he took her by the hand, marched out and got married to her. No one dared to stop him. So they moved out from South Kerala towards the north and settled at Thrissur district and lived there happily ever after...
....beep...no, not in Kerala those days, people were madly divided among caste lines, the oppressors had to find a way to kill him, this apostate and his outcaste, he should be killed. They tried many plots to kill, but failed.
But seeing a highered woman with a lowered man was just too unbearable for the existence of the false social frame work, so finally they approached a wise crook for advice. The crook said to them "Every man has his weakness and so does he, find it and kill him". So they thought hard to find his Achilles' heel, and they found it. This brave man was only strong when he had his sword in his hand, the reason for why he carried the sword wherever he went. The highered caste men finally figured out a way to kill him. During one of his travel days, they waited for him to defecate by the bush, so while washing himself, since no man would hold a sword, they got their man, they pounced on him, trashed him and killed him.
Today, ten generations down the line, here I am blogging about the incident about the man and his wife. His wife must have wept a lot, "how could those people be so blind". I hear she was a wise woman and highly revered by the family, there is a memorial for her at the temple.
Such is the blindness of our society to destroy the pure idea called "marriage". And now, is it not time for me to avenge it's wounded soul.
But again as a corollary, I wish to add.
Today, the same family temple has got all screwed up now, with loads of distortion and hypocrisy, I rarely go there to that temple now, but that temple is dear to me, there is another folk story of a Gujarati Saint who once passed by and was well treated by my great great grand father man and in return the Swami gifted him the secret scroll to heal diseases of the eye, it was valid for only a certain number of generations till my grand father stopped the profession and went into Politics and Journalism. Well, that's a story for another day. I guess.