1. After the shameful defeat of the Indian Cricket team in the final of a previous World Cup, the team members were not able to show their faces to the people and so they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms. But Dravid could not resist for too long, to be in a foreign country and yet still not being able to go out shopping and have fun. So he disguises himself as a Sardar and goes out, he meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him, "Hi Dravid!". Surprised for having been caught, he comes back and dresses himself up in a black burqa etc and goes out. Yet again, the same happens - the same woman greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Dravid now comes back determined to give it yet another try with the make up of a Hippie wig, Hippie spectacles and shorts etc. But all in vain - the same lady catches him again and greets him "Hi Dravid!".
Bewildered by now, Dravid could not help asking, "How did you recongise me?"
The lady replied - "I am Sachin Tendulkar!"
2. Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both behind... You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. It's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
3. The girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
4. A girl involved with the women's liberation group boarded a crowded bus and one man rose to his feet. "No, No, you must not give up your seat. I insist," she said. The man replied; "You may insist as much as you like, Lady, This is my stop where I get off."
5. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," said the woman, "how old are you?" "Twenty-six," he said.
6. It's all in the punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
7. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
- George Bernard Shaw
8. A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.
The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called, junior said "the number you are trying to call is not reachable".
9. What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
- Oscar Levant
10. A man found a magic genie who would grant him one wish.
The man said to the genie, "I wish that I had a non-stop bridge from here to Hawaii island."
The genie said, "I'm sorry, but that's going to be very hard. Do you have another wish?"
The man answered, "Of course! I want the power to understand all women."
The genie thought for a minute. He replied, "How many platforms did you say you wanted on the bridge?"
11. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. - Sam Levenson
12. By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher. - Socrates
13. A priest went for a party once, there he saw someone wearing a purple shirt and brown trouser and he could not make out whether the person was a male or female, so he asked the man he saw standing next to him, "Is that purple shirt a girl or a boy?" And the person answered, "that's my daughter". The priest was embarrassed and replied, "Oh I did not know that you were her father, otherwise I would not have asked you". Then the man replied, "You idiot, I am not her father, I am her mother".